It's been a while since I posted anything here and I am pretty aware. I keep making promises to post more recipes but finding the time and the motivation is really difficult right now. Anyone who follows me over on facebook and instagram will be aware that I have been struggling a lot this year. I seem to have lost my motivation and not sure where I can find it again. It started out with me learning to love my body regardless of my weight, and so my motivation to lose the last few pounds to get back to goal was not really there.
In the past few weeks though that has changed, and not only has my attitude towards my appearance change but I also am not feeling my best. Despite the fact that I am actually the same weight as I was in January when I came back from holidays, I have started to dread looking in the mirror. Any time I go out I feel like my confidence has gone and I am hyper aware of my appearance. Then totally separate to my appearance I have noticed my health being affected. My skin is awful at the moment. I am feeling bloated and full all the time. I am tired all the and seem to have very little energy or motivation to do much other than what I absolutely have to. I am finding it difficult to concentrate and feeling down more than usual.
You would think all of that would be enough to give me the kick I need to snap out of it, but in reality I am on a downward spiral. The worse I feel the worse I eat. Monday to lunch time Friday I am generally on my normal routine, but the problem is I am eating so much junk at the weekend that no matter what I do Monday to Friday it is not enough to make up for it. I have found myself binging again which I think is the real problem. I think if I was just having bad meals at the weekend then I could balance that out, but any time I am alone in the kitchen I am straight to the cupboards, promising myself I will have a light dinner knowing full well that is not true. It's back to the secret eating that I used to do all the time as a teenager and in my twenties, but I have had mostly under control since getting to goal.
So what now? Where do I go from here? Today marks the start of a new month and I am setting myself a challenge. Not to lose a certain amount of pounds in the month or to cut out certain food groups. Instead I am going to challenge myself to be honest with myself. Apart from a couple of days where I know it will be very difficult to track, I am going to track absolutely everything I ate. My WW coach gave us the challenge on Thursday but it was just for a week and I failed miserably. But my failure got me really thinking about it, why is it so hard to be honest about what is going in my mouth. This evening for instance I had a couple of boiled sweets while I was cooking dinner, and usually I would conveniently forget about them, but tonight they went into my tracker.
So even if it means logging 80 SmartPoints or roughly estimating rather than being 100% accurate, I will be more realistic about what I will be eating. I think that being honest with what I am doing will really help to realign myself and get me to a point where I start to feel better. While we haven't booked any date for a wedding or anything like that, I want to get myself into a good state of mind so that by the time that happens I am not panicking or worrying about how I will look or feel on the day. I want to be 100% focused on my fiance and what the day means to us both. So my journey to get myself back to a good place starts now!
I will be going back to weekly meal plans but will no longer be logging my weekly weigh in results. Instead I will be looking at my weight loss on a monthly basis. I had a busy March and I was hoping throughout it all that I could maintain my weight and instead I managed to lose 1lb. As I said I have no set weight loss goal for this month, but I am hoping the changes I make in other areas will lead me to see some sort of loss on the scales over the 4 weeks.
So here is this weeks meal plan! I hope you all have a good week.
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