Last week I was finally honest with myself about what I had been doing for the past few months. I had been seriously kidding myself, tracking but not 100%. Rounding things down instead of up. Throwing something into a recipe without tracking it. Snacking mindlessly and telling myself it was less than it was. And my weekends have been a disaster. Feeling like a treat had to be a full on blow out and picking the most calorific thing on the menu and then eating my way through a hangover the next day. The thing is, I really didn't realise how bad it was. I had slipped into old habits and thought I should get away with it because I was being 'good' during the week.
At the end of January I had said I was going to give it until the end of March and then reassess what I was doing. At the time I was partially blaming flex for the issues I was having but I know that it was misplaced - however I do think that there are some flaws with the flex programme. For me, I have a large appetite and I don't gauge fullness too well. I tried on the No Count program a few times and within a few days I was over eating. All the new 0 SmartPoint foods, particularly things like beans and pulses, can be very energy and calorie dense. They are so good for you and very healthy but it can be so easy to get through a day eating mostly these foods and then kid yourself into thinking you have loads of SmartPoints left for a treat. I need to figure out just how much I should be eating in a day - while focusing on what the Flex program is trying to install. So on Tuesday I decided to start calorie counting along with tracking my SmartPoints.
I tried this a few years ago, and what happened was I stopped tracking my SmartPoints and used it as an excuse to have more sugary treats as they were 'within' my calories. In the long run this didn't work so well for me. So this time I have to be 100% honest and track both ways until I feel comfortable with just flex. It has shown me what I was expecting. On Friday, I tracked all day and by the end of the day I had only eaten 13 SmartPoints but because I had chicken, eggs, fresh tuna, lentils plus all the veg and other counted things it added up to over 1300 calories for the day. My calorie goal is to be between 1350 and 1550 calories per day. If I hadn't been tracking my calories, I could easily have tried to use up the last 10 on treats or more healthy foods and pushed my calorie in take way over for the day. Instead, because I knew where I was at I allowed myself one gin and tonic and was done for the day.
Our leader has said that you don't need to use up all your dailies, but to try and make sure that you have 10 per day to try and balance the fats, carbs and protein. But for me, knowing I have this 'allowance' left, its hard to ignore it. So for the time being its going to be following the rules of Flex while counting calories again.
This week may have been a bad week to start, we had a bake sale in work where I spent 2 evenings baking delicious treats and then faced by everything others had baked on Thursday morning. We have the easter bank holiday weekend this weekend so lots of opportunity to indulge. The thing is, there is always going to be something stopping us, and the true test of something is to make sure you can live your life as normal and still maintain the healthy lifestyle. So I had my Saturday special dinner with wine as usual - I just was a little more mindful about what I ate and drank for the day. Yesterday I had a day home alone, and to be honest I had been planning to have a secret eating day for weeks. I am a secret eater, if nobody see's it then it doesn't count. And I can seriously eat on days like that. Instead I just treated it like a normal day and ate well. Since it was easter I had to have some chocolate, but I had one small 24g chocolate egg and that was it. Today is family dinner at my parents and we will be having roast lamb. I will be going easy on the sides but I have some weeklies banked and I will be getting a run in to try and add a few extra calories to my daily allowance.
I am feeling good now, but I know that this year I have been all over the place and I am just hoping that this attitude and mindset lasts. All I can do is take it one day at a time and try to keep my motivation going.
I went back to weigh in on Thursday and I was up as predicted. I am now heavier than I was when I rejoined Weight Watchers back in October, 11 stone 3.5lbs. So this is my starting point, looking to get back to goal by my birthday in July, so no pressure just taking it week by week.