Being a gold member is not easy. There is no magic button you press when you get your gold card that means all your food and weight loss issues have disappeared forever. The work doesn't end with that lovely little card in your wallet. It can be really hard to actually accept that you will have to be careful around food for the rest of your life, that you will never get to just eat what you want when you want like you perceive all those 'normal' people you know do. That thought has crept into my mind so many times over the past year and a half, usually a fairly fleeting moment while I am stuffing chocolate or cake into my face. The thought passes usually fairly quickly, and doesn't come back for at least a few weeks.
These thoughts have been a bit more frequent over the summer, and I saw my weight creep up a little bit. I was mostly balancing between 4lbs and 7lbs above goal. It wasn't ideal but I wasn't really worried about it, and maybe that was part of the problem. I haven't been able to make a meeting since around March time but I have been keeping an eye on things via my home scales.
Then a few weeks ago the battery on my scales ran out. I should have replaced it straight away but I didn't. I kept conveniently forgetting and had convinced myself that I didn't really need it. I was running 4 times a week, and doing weights twice a week. I had it covered. Deep down I knew I didn't and I was paying a dangerous game but I refused to admit it to myself. As long as during the week I follow the plan, I deserve a few treats at the weekend. The problem was, over the summer my weekends have been getting longer and more out of control, and with no weighing scales to reel me in this only got worse. Then last week all hell broke loose and I went back to my pre weight loss eating. I could feel myself feeling worse and worse as the week went on, but I didn't stop.
Then finally this weekend I knew things were bad. My clothes just weren't fitting me properly. I felt bloated and lethargic and just miserable and finally realised I needed to see what the damage was. So I found a battery in an old TV remote and face the music. 11 stone 7lbs, a whole stone above my goal weight. I wasn't surprised but I was so upset. I felt awful, so disappointed with myself but also when I looking in the mirror I felt huge too. I knew what I had to do, I could wallow and eat my feelings or make a plan.
I woke up on Sunday determined and ready to get stuck back in. It wasn't going to be easy, my parents were hosting afternoon tea for my extended family and if my family do one thing well, its food. I got myself mentally ready, I went for my 10 mile run that morning and had a healthy and filling breakfast before heading out to my parents. I decided how many propoints I was going to use and I tracked everything.
What now, one good day isn't going to undo the damage done over the summer and the past few weeks in general. There are 14 weeks until Christmas and I have 14 lbs to lose, so the challenge starts now. I refuse to start 2015 heavier than I am now. I refuse to go back to where I was. So it starts now, 1lb a week for the next 14 weeks and I will be checking in posting my losses each week. I got an Arnotts voucher for my birthday this year that I have been meaning to use since July, I am now using this as motivational reward. Once I get back to goal I will be using it to buy myself the perfect little black dress in the January sales.
Who's with me? What can you achieve in 14 weeks? Just half a pound a week is half a stone gone for good! I can't make any meetings at the moment so I need some help and support! We can do this.