I have been a little neglectful of my blog of late, if I am being honest I have been a bit neglectful of my healthy of late too. I was telling myself that I had just been too busy to blog, but the reality was that I was feeling too guilty! Guilt, it is the most unproductive feeling in the world. It is so tied up with negativity that all it does is send you down a spiral. You try to make up for the wrong you have done, but when you aren't perfect the guilt kicks in again and you end up taking 2 massive steps backwards.
Mt guilt came from my inability to stay on track. I finished the mini marathon and took a week off running which would seem harmless enough but I have to say it has been so difficult to get back into it. I am officially working on the half marathon training program but my motivation is so low at the moment. On top of that my eating has been all over the place. For any of you who follow my instagram will have noticed I have been a bit up and down with my posts. I have skipped whole days and weekends because I was feeling guilty about what I was eating.
Last week it all came to a head, I was having a really bad week at work, and the further into the week it got the worse my eating got. I was literally eating anything put in front of me and I just wasn't able to fill the hole. Its a viscious cycle though, I started the week feeling bad about my running, the stress of work made me feel worse which made me eat badly. The eating triggered the guilt which in turn made me feel even worse. I am a huge emotional eater and its something I have always battled with. There are also certain times of the month where things are worse, and of course last week was it!
My weight has crept up a little bit, when I weighed myself on Monday I was 10lbs above goal, which at 11stone 3lbs was far too high for my liking. With the week I had just come out of, this news could have sent me further down the wrong path, but instead I reminded myself why my weight was so important to me. It has got to the point where the number on the scales in not the most important thing in the world to me, but when it creeps up like this its a pretty good indicator that something isn't right. I'm not going obsess around a couple of pounds anymore, but I do not want to end up 14 stone and miserable again. Being overweight and being unhealthy makes me unhappy, and I do not want to live my life being unhappy.
So what needed to change this week? My attitude for one thing. I need to bring myself back to where I was when I was losing the weight. I have been allowing myself too many treats lately. Whole weekends off plan, a shop bought unhealthy lunch more than once a week. Binging when I am on my own (if nobody knows the calories don't count right?). I have to keep reminding myself that I am in this for life. While being at my goal weight does not alone equal happiness, a healthy lifestyle and good body image definitely contributes to my overall happiness and well being.
I have had so many of these posts this year. I was hoping year 2 at goal might be a little easier, but it is still a struggle. Balance is the hardest thing to find, but I'll keep working on it! Let me know if you've cracked it!